EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS

[MARCBLEE]

Synopsis: The residents of a rural mining town discover that a toxic chemical spill has caused hundreds of little local spiders to mutate into mammoth spiders the size of a pickup truck. As these humongous hungry monsters grow up to destroy the down, mining engineer Chris McCormack (David Arquette) and Sheriff Sam Parker (Kari Wurher) mobilize an eclectic team of townspeople, including the Sheriff's daughter, Ashley (Scarlett Johansson), her son, Mike (Scott Terra), and paranoid radio announcer Harlan (Doug E. Doug), to battle the bloodthirsty eight-legged monsters

Eight Legged Freaks is a horror flick for all those kids too young to remember what a drive-in "creature double feature" is. Or what a drive-in is.  I hope my German friends know.

Mutant spiders overrun a small town in the Middle of Nowhere, Arizona. Cut off, overmatched and overwhelmed, the humans circle the wagons, as it were, taking refuge in a mall as wave after wave of arachnids hurl themselves at the Gap/Eddie Bauer/Radio Shack entrance.

And a little boy who looks like Harry Potter and is into spiders is their only hope. Well, him and that geek who used to do the really bad long-distance commercials (Arquette).

This latest enterprise from the producers of Godzilla is meant to be instant camp, a series of escalating laughs earned by ever-grosser spider devourings. But like much of the work of Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, it's an exercise in heartless efficiency. It's an homage to a genre of film made by people who are working from visual memories of horror cheapies like Them Tarantula, etc. They nailed the visual tribute. They just left out the cautionary morality, the sense of justice and the heart.

David Arquette stars as a small-town rich boy who returns to take over the family's played-out mine. Kari Wuhrer is the single mom, now sheriff, that he left behind.

And Scott Terra is the kid whom Warner Bros., producers of the Harry Potter movies, dress up like Harry Potter and turn into a pleasantly nerdy spider buff. The kid, Mike, is the one who first figures out that toxic waste has affected the crickets that a local spider collector feeds his pets. "Like steroids for spiders," the crickets are what create the huge Eight Legged Freaks.

Novice director Ellory Elkayem was given special effects that allow him to show huge spiders, huger spiders, jumping spiders and the like. He stages some OK chases and does well enough by the big arachnid assault on the mall (That was cool!). But the script gives us no one to fear for, to root for, or root against.

The kid? He's never put in real jeopardy.

The conspiracy buff DJ, played by Doug E. Doug? Too small a role.

Arquette? Too dull.

For bad guys, how about the toxic waste dumping mayor and his oversexed punk nephew? Sheesh!

Instead, Elkayem stages killing after killing, and can never seem to get enough of that cool effect a shotgun has on the special-effect spider -- splat.

Why didn't Emmerich and Devlin force Elkayem to sit through Tremors? That's what they wanted; jokey-scary, with every human death given a certain amount of meaning. Tremors worked!  I loved that movie.  It was corny, dumb, awesome, and perfect for a Saturday afternoon popcorn day at the movies!  WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THIS ONE?!!!

I had the honor of meeting Arquette, Devlin, and even Tobey(Spider-Man) Macguire in Denver last April. Devlin shared with me a 15 minute clip of E.L.F. and I thought it cool then.  Maybe I should have asked to see more.

As in Godzilla, the B-movie team has gone for quantity and scale over quality. But big explosions, fires, hordes of spiders and a couple of Spider-Man jokes do not a camp classic make.

My Score: 5 out of 10

[Hoshi_Sato]

So ich hab den Film jetzt auch gesehen und fand ihn sehr lustig! Der Film hat sich selbst verarscht. Das fand ich herrlich. Die Spinnen waren schon fast niedlich so wie sie gequieckt und gebrabbelt haben. Jeder der gerne lacht und mal ne Film sehen will, wo man nicht alles analysieren muss, der sollte sich den mal angucken.

Ich geb 8 von 10 Punkten.

[Daniel Räbiger]

SPIIIDERS!! A really cool movie - i love to hear women cry in the cinema *gggg*

[Apogee]

this movie sucks like hell, but it's funny, well kind of..